Being late and left out isn’t fun.

Missing out on a bus isn’t fun. Missing out on a girl you like isn’t fun too.

Apparently, this has always been the case for me. When I get to like someone (a girl) and miraculously also have the balls to tell it to them, fate always never fails to find a way to redirect the girl’s attention to another guy. And because of this I can’t progress with my proposed plans. I always end up dreaming of what might have been.

I’m not a matchmaker but rather someone who’s trying to be matched.

Last time that this happened to me, I was badly burned. I was too late when I told a friend of my real feelings for her. Actually I did so quite a while back but then I stopped. Now, I’m paying dearly for stopping what could have been. Now I’m on the outside looking in. The girl has already a boyfriend. Though I’d love to hear that we are still friends, wouldn’t it be more wonderful if we were more than friends? But yeah, keep on dreaming Jayvee, this is all your fault for stopping to a grind. You deserve to suffer the pain of looking on the outside and thinking what might have been.

I’ve been giving advice, if needed, to them because they are still my friends but it hurts to think that you’re just giving advices and not actually doing them or sort of something like that. Because I was just days or hours or minutes late.

Right now, that is almost exactly the perfect situation that I am in. I am starting to really like this girl because her qualities fit her criterion but she likes someone else. I’m just starting to scrape the surface and then here comes fate to place another guy in the scenario that will complicate things. Here’s the guy that she likes because… she likes him! What can I do? I don’t know my chances and I’m not in the position to ask her because only she can determine that. Add to that the fact that I am really SHY and too TORPE to ask her of my chances. And besides, when did I just tell her that I really really like her? 2 weeks ago? It’s premature but I really like her because she’s really mature for her age. And I want to be with her, honestly. My intentions are clean.

I just want a chance to prove myself.

There’s also another hindrance. She just doesn’t want a commitment right now, as she says. I understand her situation and if only I could move the heaven and earth to change that and make her feel better, I will do. But that can’t happen so all I can do is engage in a waiting game of when she’s ready for commitments again. Will I still be there when that materializes? I truly hope so because she’s one of a kind.

I just want a chance to prove myself.

I just hope it to be positive.

I don’t want to be left out again. I don’t want to be looking on the outside of thinking of what might have been just because I’m a human torpedo machine. I’m also liking another girl although I haven’t told her what I feel for her. But I may need not too anymore since he’s liking another guy who is also my friend and it will be an outrageous idea if I tell her my feelings. I might even stir things up so just no, thank you. Call me an asshole if you want.

This love misfortunes for the past few years have been bugging me. Sometimes it causes me to be deeply lonely, especially when I’m alone. Hey, I couldn’t blame the world for it so I’ll just blame it on myself!

Probably it is REALLY my fault. I take too long in telling what I feel for a girl, which is uncanny because friends know me as someone who has a loud voice. Oh, the irony. I stutter and choke when forced to confront a girl with news that would either shock or piss her off. Why is it always this? I also love to pick the wrong choice of words at the most inopportune times. Way to go for a guy who was taught proper speaking. No wonder when I tell them what I really feel, I always end up late or short.

Sometimes I just blame my special talent in being a torpedo missile in making moves in love. Or I just attribute it to God — that he has an ultimate plan for me. I still have faith. He’s not giving me answers though, just more questions… and more reasons to be discouraged.

Am I destined to be a matchmaker for life and not someone who’s to be matched?

The bad luck with love-related things continue. When will I ever get a break? It’s been so long; like a decade already! Also, I sound like a desperate slut but hey, this has been my unlucky fate and I just out to let it out.

Getting another fresh break with love is really hard.