Hey there playaz. Hey there nigguhz. Friendster has been the home of these dimwits so we are here to showcase their uncanny talent to piss people off and to make people throw their keyboards to their monitors. They have this special talent aside from rapping Salbapota music and Gloc 9, doing the tunog-tao beats with their saliva spewing all over the place, cripwalking even if they can’t dance because they’re slouches, and talking hiphop the shithead way. Mind you, they can also have this uncanny ability to taunt people of beating them up even if they have frail, malnourished bodies. Just because they’re hiphop. We’re here for the continuing search for the ultimate Friendstah Gangztah! As you can see peEpZ, we have our fifteen hard-working, odd-looking, dirty-looking and foul-smelling contestants here, waiting for their turn to introduce themselves to the world and be laughed at. You see, they are all deserving contestants - all deserving to recieve a worldly beating from the internets.

Enough of the introduction criptstahz. Let’s get down to the giddy of this post, orayt? What does it take to be included here? You have to be a: thugz/gangztah/hiphop/cripsta/nigguh/bling-bling/pimp/anything related to hiphop for you to be entitled to be here. You have to have rapping, MCing, beating and cripwalking. Even if you only do it in your imagination. You also got to have a Friendster profile, and a friendster photo that annoys everyone or makes everyone laugh, including me. You also have to be senseless, silly and act as a fuckturd. Enough of this. Let’s get the candidates rolling. They’re waiting, dying to show their mettle and they’re dying to piss us all off. Let’s go now!

Candidate 1 - hiphop crips: Hey! Wazzup nigguhz! This is me, hiphop crips from the beautiful place called Saranggani! Ya see, I’ve travelled long and far for me to get in here. I have no money to go back home. So yeah. I come here with my fake and oversized GAP sweater and a beanie to cover up my dandruff-infested hair. My sweater is sweaty and smelly so I need monies to replace it. So vote for me. And I look like a hybrid of Mark Isip and Mark Cardona. And I also look like Diego of Bubble Gang and Gloc 9. So yeah choose me.

Candidate 2 - rapper tbs: Hey yowwwwz. This is me, rapper TBS alias mhack and I come from the slums of Quiapo! Reprazent. I come here with my fake Cleveland Cavs jersey. Lebron James, playah. I also have big ears. For the win. I also wear this cheap 50-peso cap which I bought from a suki in Quiapo. I also have mah gurlfwend herre. Even though she looks like a slut from those Trike Patrol porn movies or even if you tell that she looks like a sugar mommy bitch, I still love mah gurlfwend. That’s why I’m offering this badly Photoshopped picture to her. And vote me too hommmiieezz.

Candidate 3 - hiphop velazco: Hey mah homiezzZzz. This is me, hiphop velazco alias gangster21 and im???your!!papi. I come from the the streets of ManilazzzZZ. I represent the Westside - which is, by the way, the west side of Tondo, Manila. I’m sorry if my face is covered with the handkerchief because I’m too shy to show my face. Ahihihi. But I’m really a hiphop bloke and I love rapping. I also love doing the Westside sign. Or whatever fuck you want to call it. Okay, I’m out now. I am just using my neighbor’s computer. Juz remember to pick me. PIZ AWT! RESPEKT!

Candidate 4 - Gangsta: What are you looking at, nigger? Do you notice something about me? Huh? Atong Redillas is my long lost brother! Silly! That’s why I look a lot like him, stupid! They just abandoned me when we were kids and they made Atong the movie star. They left me out. But they turned me into a hiphop gangztah. Of all of the candidates, I have the highest chance to win because I have real star connection and real star power. And my hairstyle is odd. Some parts of my head have less hair, but some parts have more. So pick me because I look like Atong Redillas. YOWZ.

Candidate 5 - gangsta crips: Hey peepz, this is me, gangsta crips, with nips. My nipples are my special weapons of mass destruction. And it can also rap like I can do. I look like the vocalist of Six Cycle Mind but I am really a hiphop gangztah in my heart. My idol is John Cena because he is the Doctor of Thuganomics. He’s the champion in the WWE. He rap’s very good. He wrestle’s with pure entensity. He has very good song’s. He’s pose is good. That’s why his my idol. I also like he’s fashion statement. That’s why I’m also imitating it. So pick me. WORD LIFE.

Candidate 6 - gangsta calimlim: Hey you fucker. Fuck you too. I’m gangsta calimlim from the shanties of Malabon. My best asset for this search is my katsupoy haircut with matching 3 by 4 CAT haircut style. Beat that, playaz. I also have my peculiar middle finger which seems to be smaller than my other fingers. I’m also wearing a fake jersey sando. My nose is long because I always insert my middle finger in it. On both sides. Also, I may have written 38 in my Friendstarz but I am really 12 years old. So pick me or I will stick my finger up your nose.

Candidate 7 - Rapper Betraps: Guess what I’m thinking. No, I’m not thinking. Thinking is not in my vocabulary, silly LOLZ. I’m just posing for a webcam pictorial in the computer shop. Hehehehe! This is me. Rapper Betraps. I am from Roosevelt. You don’t need to know where it is, fucker. I’m here with my nose with large holes, a wide mouth, and colored hair. I’m a vain, even though I’m utterly ugly. Well, that’s just life for you. Some niggahz think that I look like a monkey. But actually, it’s true heheheh. It’s because of my pathetic nose. I also look like Blakdyak. So pick me homiez!

Candidate 8 - rapper deaf: Hey wazzup this is me rapper deaf and I look like Usher. I am just the bastardized and dignity-raped version of Usher. I am a hybrid of the rokerz and the gangztah subclasses of the Kingdom of Jologs. Oh, don’t mind that criminally-induced look on my face. I look like a criminal but in reality, I’m just jologs. Plainly. I have lots to bring to you. A lot of fake stuff actually. I have my fake Oakleys, my fake cap, my fake shirt, my fake G-shock wrist watch, hell even my rokerz sign is fake. I’m a real hiPhOp yowwwwwwzz!

Candidate 9 - rapper martinez: Hip Hop aT gaNgsTa PiNaGAsaMan PuweRsaNg Na My KaNya KaNyAng PaNiNiWaLa,,,,,,’ Ma Pa taMa mAn oH Mali!!! SapAgkAt Wlang TaoNg PeRfecTo TanGing diyOs lang!!!! POWTANGENA!!!! GROWL!!! MONSTER!!! Hey yow mah homies. I’m rapper martinez from the highlands of Isabela. I’m fat. I’m slouchy. And I’m hiphop. I got my hanky right here. But I don’t use it to wipe off my sweat. I use it as a design in my head to reprazent that I am truly hiphop. And my hand is like injured. But I’m only doing the hIpHoP sign. So pick me nigga. I’m a monster.

Candidate 10 - cripsta: Hey niggaz! I’m cripsta and here is mah cripstah friend. We’re from the Valenzuela Crips. And no, we’re not Latinos as the text suggests. We’re full-blooded brown-skinned nigga posers from the Philippines. Our fashion statement sucks. But we don’t give a damn, foolz. We have these oversized polo clothes, slacks and fake Converse Chucks. Isn’t that truly pathetic for a fashion statement? Mah friend is smoking weed over here. And we’re trying to make a heart figure by our hands. What the fuck, the background sucks. FAKE BEACH. Just like our fake stuff. Lolz.

Candidate 11 - gangstah bhehbhy: HEEEEEEEEEEEY! gangstah bhehbhy here. And I’m pathetic. Also jologs and baduy to death. But don’t mind it. I look like tito Boy Abunda from The Buzz. I have the best fashion senses around - pathetically speaking. I’ve got this pair of shades with white parts so that I can highlighted my well-tanned and toasted skin. I also have the oversized shirt that I stole from my neighbor. I also wear a fake ring and the stone in it is a glass bottom. I’m also doing this sign of hiphop. It’s cool. And I also do it for you to notice my fugly face. Kaibigan, mag-usap tayo.

Candidate 12 - rapper secret: LONG LIV HIPHOP! tHaT’s Me, RaPpEr SeCreT. I live in Mang Tonyo’s Computer Shop. My specialties in computer is downloading hiphop pr0n, downloading Gagong Rapper videos in Youtube, and downloading songs in Kazaa and Imesh. Mang Tonyo keeps on reformatting every two weeks because of the uncurable and undeletable viruses that I put in the computer. And I also like to surf for gay porn. And I like to Friendster a lot and I search for teenies to SEB. So watch out for hiphop like me cause I’m out to invade your internets. And to SEB you.

Candidate 13 - GANGSTA FORLIFE: I’m GANGSTA FORLIFE. And uuuhh.. im gangsta for real. I look stupid in my oversized, 1990’s design shirt, my fake sports cap, and a hiphop sign that most non-hiphop people won’t recognize. I’m here, posing in the maid’s quarters of the house and it’s like cool. I’m also wearing a nice pair of women’s earrings which I just stole from the master’s bedroom of ati and koya. I’m posed this way because this posing looks maangas and astig according to my other hiphop friends. But actually I’m looking like very stupid now. I’m about to turn emo. :(

Candidate 14 - hiphop: WAZ-UP MANI GA!!! This is me, hiphop, from the shanties of Marilao, Bulacan. I’m a schoolboy but I’m a real hiphop yohw! I always do the hiphop sign in school and people think of me as a cool, in person and they respect and fear me. Wow. This hiphop sign is so cool! I get to yank out my helpless classmates when I flash out my magical hiphop sign. I can get away with my katsupoy hairstyle and my stupet face when I show my hiphop sign. Gaddemit. Hiphop RuLeZzZzZzZ…?!!??!!? Be afraid of my hiphop sign fucka, be very afraid!

Candidate 15 - GaNgStA CRIPZ: Hey cripztahz, this is GaNgStA CRIPZ from the neighborhood computer shop. I’m also an expert in computers. My forte and expertise ranges from Yahoo Messenger Chat, mIRC, Friendster, myspace, Pinoyster and all those social networking media. I’m slouching right now because I’m masturbating to a daring woman in bra pic that I saw from a Friendster profile. Good thing that the people at my back are not seeing me. I’m wanking off in the PC shop. I’m gonna make sure that this will not smell like clorox or neither will my fluids stick to the mouse or keyboard. Ahihi bye!!!

So there you go, folks. You have been presented with the 15 candidates for the ultimate search for the Friendstah Gangztah. Take your pick with who do you think is the most deserving to be beaten up, the most ugly, smelly, annoying, inconsiderate, moronic and yet has the best hiphop skillz. PICK NOW!