Currently running in my mind right now is a list of should-haves that I should have done, avoided, taken, chose, bashed, or whatever verb you may think of. I’m remembering regretful decisions that date back as far as five years to the past. It fits with the Holy Week ambiance nicely because the Holy Week stretch is the damn longest and best period for me to think and regret about my countless wrong-doings, mistakes and slip-ups. It’s my most idle time of the year - no television, no radio, no malls and theme parks to go to, and nothing much on the Internet aside from NBA scores and some forum sites that I visit regularly.

The first thing that I regret a little is entering in a university which has a three-term calendar per school year. The sad part of it? My friends are on vacation now and they are now enjoying slacking off and being asses day in and day out. Somehow, I’m thinking that maybe I should have enrolled in a school that has a semestral academic calendar. Not that I am making out a big deal out of it or that my decision is a complete failure and a complete exercise of futility, but I am quite envious of my peers who are under the semestral or the two-term school year calendar. I mean they have longer breaks, they have longer term durations and they only have two midterm examinations and two final examinations (though they have prelims). I’m not really complaining about the trimestral system but it’s more like of me imagining how things would go if I was under a school with a semestral academic calendar.

Another thing in the past that I regret is one minor tongue slip-up that turned into a total love disaster. Maybe I really should have not uttered that words that sealed my fate with her. Okay, here’s how the story goes. Me and the girl that I have been going out with went out in a place and talked about the sensitive and non-sensitive issues that we were under. Then suddenly came the tactless and the stupid me who, mindless of her feelings and what she will think, utters something that is stupid to utter in the first place. I just really would like to think that what I said just ignited a fire inside her. She really burned me. She just left our meeting place without regard. I tried to calm her, saying it was only a joke, but she would not bite my calming words. The joke was turned over to me. She was piling me on with hate text messages as I was going home. I was feeling cold as I was going home - even if the temperature then was hot. I realized the magnitude of my stupidity, breaking something good that we had. Good thing we’re friends now. But I doubt she will ever forget that fateful day when she dumped me for my stupidity. God knows how much I would want those uttered stupid words to be taken back so we could get back together.

And no, I won’t mention any blind items aside from those because that will give out the whole story away.

I regret and loathe my senior year in high school. I should have done better in high school, especially during my senior year. That is one of the biggest regrets that I have in my life right now. Many people can relate to this statement but let me state my case. As my high school level progressed, my performance was on the decline. I don’t know if my parents noticed that but I just actually realized it when I was in college already. I can officially say that my senior year in high school was the hardest and most challenging and I think that majority of the problem is caused by my total lack of effort and initiative to move and do something. I’d come to class late and without the necessary requirements like books and assignments, and I failed most of the exams in Math and Science. I almost got suspended three times in my senior year because (1) my cellphone rang in the classroom; (2) excess absences; (3) my teacher in Physics charged me any my friends with cheating because she saw our introduction in one activity all the same. I was just hanging for dear life all the time during high school. Add to that the fact that my classmates didn’t really like me for some reason that I don’t know. It was a total struggle and it really haunts me everytime I remember the fourth year days. I had to even skip graduation practices just to complete requirements. I promised myself that I would not do the same god damn things once I step into college. I was a total mess in 4th year high school. The only happy part in my senior year is the graduation, actually.

These are just three things that are currently running up in my mind right now. To be honest with, there are many more regrets that I have in my life (can’t remember them all) - with parents, friends and peers and I’d like to ditch them off from my memory as if they never happened in my life.

Are these memories worth remembering? Of course not. Am I left out with a choice to face again and revisit these regretful things that I have done? I’d like to think that I’m not. Inasmuch that I am left with no choice, I’d like to think that someone lets me revisit those things so that I’ll learn from it and try to never do it again. That is so cliché-ish but I really think that is the main purpose why these things come back and haunt me in one way or another.

I also regret that I am not making sense in this blog post.