I really don’t hate that much Pinoy celebrities because I rarely watch local TV now (with the exception of basketball on local TV) but if there’s anything that I hate in local TV, it’s really not the shows and the commercials, it’s Kris Aquino that I hate. Nothing makes me throw up and switch channels like Kris Aquino does. The only reason that I get to watch her shows is when my mom and family and watching her while we’re eating our lunch. I barely could stand her.

I’m thinking right now. What’s not to hate against her? A nasty personal background, such poor hosting talent which results to bad shows, an annoying voice, and an advertising hard-sell. So many reasons to be irritated by her, even by just showing up on the TV screen.

I don’t really know why this celebrity still has a job. She has all the qualities that will make up the perfect high-class whore celebrity. She has been a scandal magnet, she goes after young and athletic boys (see James Yap as reference), and she has a freaking STD. I’m not taking these things against her but is this really the way things are now? I really think now that this society has a high tolerance level for people who have the money and power. I mean if Kris wasn’t a presidential daughter and was just a regular star in your favorite network, would you really think that her time as a star would have been still up until now? I think not. Let’s face it, the reason that she’s still there is because of her name and fortune. She really doesn’t have raw talent, all she has are the things that I stated above plus the guts, the courage and the kakapalan ng mukha factor. Oh wait, I forgot we’re talking showbiz, so kakapalan ng mukha is a given factor. But that of Kris’s is thrice the magnitude and thrice the effect.

Her hosting jobs are oh so fucking annoying. Her voice just sets the table for total annoyance. I really don’t know how to call her voice, but it’s just irritating. She’s easily the worst TV game show host for me and she started this trend of shouting the name of the game show in the most annoying and unconvincing way possible. I don’t outlaw the shouting of the name of the game show, it’s just that we need to completely outlaw the shouting of game show names when Kris Aquino is the host because it’s going to be surely bad.

Her laugh: HAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAYYYYY!!! (ad infinitum) And fucking gawwwwwwwd that’s on a consistent basis. Talk shows, game shows, commerical endorsements, movies, interviews, whatever appearances she makes. That annoying laugh is constant.

Game KNB: PILIPINAAAAAAASSS! GAME KA NA BAAAAA? Of course the crowd will respond in unison GAME NA! so that ABS-CBN does not forfeit their seats in the GKNB studio. Well at least Game KNB has a savior now in the form of Edu Manzano. As cocky as Edu is in his hosting (according to my mother), he has done a better and stellar job than Kris. And his shout is moderated and not annoying.

Mad props to Edu for also making the Papaya Dance. I never expected much success from a man who’s known to be serious and a bad-ass maangas guy on TV. So GKNB is saved from Kris Aquino’s annoying hosting.

Wheel of Fortune: WHEEEEEEEEL! OOOOOOOF FOOOOOOOORCHUUUUUUUUN! Of course that shouting comes with the automatic action of the Wheel of Fortune which was invented in the Philippines and is as awful as the tantrum scream of Kris Aquino

Deal or No Deal: DEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAL! OR NO DEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAL! God I want cause physical pain and slit someone’s throat every time after she delivers that final knock-out blow to my sanity. Thank God the show never flew off that much. Kris Aquino and his Banker can dissipate in the air and I couldn’t care more. Kris Aquino really shouts like a lukaret, even in her television appearances. I could just imagine her shouting off the camera.

Boy and Kris: BOOOOOOOOOOOY! AAAAAAAAAAAND KRIIIIIIIIIS!!! ROTFLMAO this is the easiest pick to be the show that features most annoying scream in Philippine television. Imagine the two most plastered television faces with the two of the most annoying voices in television combine. Yes, people. When you hear Boy Abunda and Kris Aquino shout to such magnitude of annoying proportions, something annoying is bound to happen. Or you might realize that the two are annoying and you might take notice of Boy Abunda’s eyebrows.

I think she also has a stint on this weekly showbiz show entitled The Buzz but last time I asked my mom if the annoying Kris Aquino was there, she said that Kris is already not there. Kris also is sort of hate-able with her commercial endorsements, especially with that thing with Casino Rubbing Alcohol. “OO, NAGCACASINO AKO!!!”, as she shouts in the Casino Rubbing Alcohol commercial. Maybe it’s not her fault that she will shout again in that commercial (oh God please don’t shout) but HELL, it’s also not the commercial crew’s fault she made it look awful again. Her voice is just a rough rustling of the wind combined with the ugly whines of babies when they feel uncomfortable.

The commercial idea is just as awful as the commercial model, by the way.

But in fairness to her, every product that she tries to sell makes a lot of sales and hay. Every show that she hosts in is an instant hit. Every game show that she makes becomes a national TV staple. Every drama series that she’s in becomes a followed-after series. You gotta give it to her, she has the guts and the face to make the impossible so possible. She was majorly part of the fanbase expansion of the PBA and the mushrooming effect to the fanbase of the Purefoods TJ Giants, well because if you don’t know, her husband James Yap is there. So you see, many people love her annoying voice, many people fall for her annoying personality on and off the camera, and people buy her hardsell of commercial advertisements. Which is baffling me of course. How could such a person pull off such feat? It’s like crossing a cable wire without the use of hands and feet.

She also sings now, which is really like death-defying and gravity-defying combined. I mean, how can an artist with an annoying voice to boot be given the license to sing, much more to get a recording contract and an album. What a travesty of the up and coming talents in the music industry. Those who make original music and are deserving of the attention, fame, and the record sales have been denied of this feeling-singer who I bet only has a revivals compilation in the track list to show to the people. But then again, just because she’s a presidential daughter and she’s an established household name, of course she can get away with the shameless album. Such a travesty to the Filipino music industry. Just like Boy Abunda’s album.

BOOOOOOOOOOOY! AAAAAAAAAAAND KRIIIIIIIIIS!!!

And oh, I think she also has a television drama series in Channel 2. You see, even ABS-CBN must really love her. But you got to give it to her, she really knows how to act and it’s damn fucking evident whether she is appearing on a show or on an interview regarding the latest scandal that she is in. I haven’t really seen it so I’m just hope she doesn’t screw up her television drama series with her annoying voice and annoying pang-lukaret laugh.