This is one of the worst summer breaks that I have experienced in my whole life. I’ve been spending countless hours on the intarwebs surfing for porn and going online in mIRC. Yes, I’ve gone back being old-school again. But I’ve turned back to Friendster, just to kill this boredom. Ya see, I’ve been fucked out here at home bumming around and waiting for school to come so I just decided to look for the candidates for the worst looking profiles on Friendster and compile them into a sensible blog post. I’m pissed off, and I’m going to vent the wrath of my summer frustrations on these pieces of jologetry. You see, they really stink. They’re noisy, annoying, smelly, they’re sweaty, they’re fugly, they look dirty and wasted. and they suck. And these species of the Kingdom of Jologs convene on Friendster, the favorite hangout to show their angsts, emotions, and emo shits.

Friendster is a place full of emo kids, pretenders, posers, teenyboppers, immature blokes, rapists, and motherfuckers. Friendster has been the the jologs’ exclusive way of expressing themselves on the Internet. Friendster is the place where the rich and the poor interact and where the poor can dream of being rich and the wher the jologs kingdom can dream of being cool. I just loathe Friendster for this because they have not lifted a finger to making the whole thing to be more of a serious, more respectful but open networking site. It’s because Friendster has been terrorized. Raped of dignity. This place has also been the haven of the r0kkeRzZzZ \m/, the gAnGzTaHs, and the hiffhaff subgenres of the Kingdom of Jologs.

And I’m here. I’ve come to conquer Friendster and look for pieces of jologetry. And here are they!!!

Exhibit 1 - rockerz ahead: He has this cheap 50 peso-pair sunglasses and a necklace made of jolens and a pink shirt. And he has an annoying hairdo. He also raises the sole of his fake leather shoes and he shows to the world how his shoeface stinks. He also looks like a battered-down Cogie Domingo. Way to go!

Exhibit 2 - PAVEL: Pavel here looks like Leandro Barbosa of the Phoenix Suns. Obviously he has some problems in grammar lessons so he needs to brush up on it - and maybe he also has to brush up his face. His hairdo just does not mix with his face. And also what he wears is a fake polo shirt, but that’s just a secret.

Exhibit 3 - rOcKeRz Balyuot: First things first. YOH ROCKERZ….,,,,,!!! NO YOU’RE NOT CUTE. YOU’RE NOT EVEN IN THE ZONE TO BE CALLED DECENT, FUCKER. He looks like an intoxicated and drug-addicted Naruto. This bloke also sports the latest Naruto give-away watches and he shows it to the world by doing the r0kkeRzZzZ \m/ sign and the Magic uniform he stole from a basketball player in their neighborhood.

Exhibit 4 - hiphop dudong: Hey yoh I’m dudung from the messy streets of the jologs world. I’m wearing my fake Darryl Dawkins oversized jersey and a fake dog chain from the pet store. I have my nigguh ape here and she is an ape from ages ago. I love my pet ape and I’m gonna take care of her. I love my ape. And we’re Monkey Television’s Artist of the Month so please do watch us annoy you with our ape faces. I look like the vocalist of Cueshe and I’m so emo HA HA HA HA. PIZ AWT YOH. REZPEKT!!! REPRAZENT!!!

Exhibit 5 - Rockista Rodriguez: This rocker is gay. He’s emo. His face and his fake smile stinks. And this specimen lurks in the jungle. As you can see, the background of this specimen are greeneries. This dinosaur lives in the jungle and comes to the city to spread terror to the people. Beware of this emo gay dinosaur because he devours rich and handsome men. This specimen of r0kkeRzZzZ \m/ is a gold digga! And a dick-sucker. And he looks like a dick too.

Exhibit 6 - rOcker: WAFU? What’s wafu? Oh right. It’s the jologs’ term for handsome. But no, YOU’RE NOT HANDSOME. I want to take your face, stick it into a mirror and rub your face in the mirror. Or I’d take a sandpaper and I’d sandpaper your huge nose off. You’re not wafu or handsome in any sense possible but your pose is perfect - definitely not as a rocker, but as a pedicab driver. DALI PADYAK NA! PUNYETA, ANG BAGAL!

Exhibit 7 - Rockista: Meet Rockista. He’s the new endorser of the r0kkeRzZzZ \m/ brand of jologetry species. Pare, can’t you see? He’s wearing the latest jologs cap wear. It’s top of the line, pare! To top off the product endorsement of this bloke, he has the ultimate rocker pose. He also has this fake bling-bling on his ring finger. Maybe why he doesn’t want to endorse it also. He’s also endorsing that he’s a punk’z. But I’m not buying any endorsement from this retard, EVAR.

Exibit 8 - RoCKistA: HEY YOEZZZZ!!! This is me, and here is my friendster profilezzzz. I know, I look like Dindo Arroyo and I suck. I’m here in my computer shop and the computers are powered by fake Windows XP. I’m also wearing my fake NBA cap yoh, and I’m also wearing an earphone set because I’m talking to my online girlfriend and we’re having SEB’z tonytzzzzz?!?!?!?!?!……,,,,,….!!!??? PIZ AWT! Rock on…?!?!?!??!!! \m/

Exhibit 9 - RoCKerz Parcon: HAYZZZZZ! Here are the Pussy Cat Dolls. But they look like more of lesbos that are ready for some female to female action. Oh shit. I’m starting to think that they look like males. The one on the farthest right side, I think, is a man. He has no boobs and he has an Adam’s Apple. Nevermind, all of you and your lesbo friends are still annoying.

Exhibit 10 - rockista: Hey yoh niggaz! This is me rockerz and I look like Blakdyak. And this is mah nigguh friend who’s wearing a 50-peso Slipknot shirt and looks like a streetchild. We’re both from the Aetas and we’re proudly the tribe of Aetas from the Mabalacat, Pampanga chapter yowwwzz! We’re here to endorse our up and coming rock album entitled “Lahar Rock” so please check it out at the nearest megadike este record store yow! Rock on \m/?!?!?!!!…

Exhibit 11 - RoCkeRs: Some say emo suck [sic]? Well yeah. Most of us say it sucks to death. And so do you. And before you call anybody else on this planet a sucker and a loser, why don’t you bother to fix you loser face and attitude? Cut your hair, clean your eyes, style your face, change that tight-fitting shirt and stop putting on that whining and crying look on your face. In short, stop looking like gay. You also may want to change your outlook on the world, and also change your profile. You’re making it hard for us to read. FUCKING EMO.

Exhibit 12 - rockista punkista: HEY, HERE IS THIS JOLOGISTA FUCKER. MORANZ. He has this abnormal hairstyle, this abnormal face, and an abnormally extended middle finger hitting on everyone that sees it. I think I want to take that abonormal hand and stick it up his asshole and his nose. This obscene and indecent jologs creature has a score to settle with the rest of the world. It’s not hard to see why. He’s abnormal, he’s jologs and his middle finger is - abnormally fake.

Exhibit 13 - rOcKer eJay: WHO THE HELL TOLD YOU THAT YOU’RE GWAPO? YOUR MOTHER? No, you’re not even close to being guwapo. And I don’t care who that Chan dude you are talking about is. You look like a 6 year old kindergarten student. And you’ve got that pathetic bao hairstyle coupled with your stupet face. You should just go home and study instead of playing Ragnarok and Dota in computer shops. And take Cherifer so you don’t look small.

Exhibit 14 - ROCKista: This is what you call when the r0kkeRzZzZ \m/ are already multiplying in numbers. These kids should be really thrown in the room of jologs souls and be locked there forever. Their group leader in the middle just made himself stupid by wearing a pair of sunglasses that obviously don’t match his stupet face. The guy on the farthest right, on the other hand, is a complete retard with thick sunglasses and thick eyebrows. They actually don’t look like rockers as they project in their profile. They look more like the Streetboys or Universal Motion Dancers.

Exhibit 15 - RoCkER AttOrneY: If this was supposed to be the attorney to handle my case, I’d rather go on and lose the case than have this freaking attorney beside me. I even doubt if this bloke passed any of the law entrance examinations available. All I know is that I want to put this r0kkeRzZzZ \m/ in that position and inflict as much physical pain that I could inflict. Either I use my bare hands to do the damage or with weapons, I don’t fucking care. Attorneys should look respectable and decent, even in online accounts. This man is just the perfect insult to hardworking lawyers. THIS MAN IS STUPET.

SO START SENDING YOUR HATE COMMENTS AND HATE MAIL AND START THROWING IT FLYING STRAIGHT TO MY FACE. MAKE SURE IT WILL HIT MY FACE. REALLY NOWZZZZZZ, gAnGzTaHs, r0kkeRzZzZ \m/ AND HIFFHAFFS!!!